


i'll open my legs up to anyone who'll have me (and suddenly i am the boy defined by what he has lost)

by orphan_account



Series: love, there is beauty in the point of this blade & there is so much ugliness in the way i want to bleed out [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Keith (Voltron), Blow Jobs, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Cunnilingus, F/M, Genital Piercing, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Nipple Piercings, Office Sex, Oh My God, Oral Sex, Pansexual Keith (Voltron), Piercings, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Toys, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Strap-Ons, Tattoos, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Trans Male Keith (Voltron), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 08:13:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20327920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Keith never talked to anyone about the events after the Kerberos mission, before and after he got kicked out of the garrison. He never talked until they get distracted during a team building exercise, until they question the real reason Keith was removed from their school. And he can't really lie to the team when they are connected to his brain.- -a rewrite of "go take this the wrong way"





	i'll open my legs up to anyone who'll have me (and suddenly i am the boy defined by what he has lost)

**Author's Note:**

> the second part is kinda rapey. i did not tag it in the warnings or anything like that because there is a good portion of the story left without it. so if you dont want to read it skip the portion inbetween the second and third quote.
> 
> \- 
> 
> i am a trans man writing a trans male character
> 
> -
> 
> all of the quotes are from donte collins' poem 'grief puppet'

"... and suddenly your blood stiffens, retreats, and no one died, and the casket is still just wood, unchopped, reassembled, and the tree resurrected, working. And grief is not yet a garden of thorns in your chest and grief is not yet a question you've answered with sex …"

-

When the paladins were all called down to the training room no one was expecting it to end up like this:

"Why does everyone need to poke around in my head!?" 

Once Keith realized there would be no boundaries he tore the headset off. Pidge was next, coming to the same conclusion. The others looked around before turning to Allura to explain herself.

"I just want you all to share your time on Earth. You aren't all familiar with each other and this is the easiest way to learn about who you are."

The thought of giving everyone the ability to go through his memories and judge him on whatever they found left Keith's hands shaking. No one seemed to notice him moving to sit on them. He sat and attempted to calm himself down as the others discussed. The majority seemed fine with going through the exercise, Hunk even seemed to convince Pidge to put the mind meld device back on her head. 

And with everyone willing to explore together, ("as long as all the memories are from Earth"), they turned to Keith.

"No, no way am I doing this."

So, as usual when met with Keith's stubborn attitude, the other three turn to Shiro. Which leads to the, usual, chain of events:

Keith shakes his head and attempts to argue with Shiro  
Shiro holds both of Keith's hands  
Shiro says "Patience yields focus" and has Keith repeat the phrase before continuing  
Keith gives in

So Keith puts the headset on ("let's just get this over with") and Allura starts to explain the exercise.

"You can ask your fellow paladins questions to see anything specific as a group but otherwise you all will be free to explore individually."

The group starts to discuss where to start and Keith sits to the side trying to figure out if there is a way to block out his memories. 

"We should start with the Garrison, something familiar to everyone".

Shit

His hands sweat and Keith curls into himself. He wants to pull his hair out and scratch and scream and cry out. But Keith just puts his hands back under his thighs.

"Okay".

Coran messes with the settings on the mind melds so that they are only looking at Keith's memories.

"Once a memory starts it is not safe to remove the devices."

Keith has convinced himself that as long as there are no specific questions about getting kicked out they won't see anything he doesn't want them to. He can get through this without anyone knowing about his method of dealing with his grief, with Shiro's 'death'.

He's not so confident in his abilities when Lance raises his hand and waves it in the air while saying,"Ooh, oh! I have a question".

Oh god.

"So we all know you got kicked out of the Garrison but they said it was because of behavior issues."

Hunk's eyes almost seem to light up,"Oh yeah! What happened, man?"

-

"... you desire a way to die without losing your body, so why not use it? Why not let a stranger lick the grief from your palms? And this too is eulogy, and this too is prayer, and this too can wet the seed conjure thornless crops, can sink back alive whatever parts of you died with her…"

-

Keith was walking through the hallway. He kept fidgeting with his collar, pulling it up to cover his neck, as he made his way to Mr. Olsen's office. He was called in the middle of a practice and was told to go immediately instead of after he had finished.

These hallways were always empty during this time of day, most instructors busy or having already left. It was just Keith and the screens showing the weeks old memorial for the Kerberos mission. Every time he passes one he stumbles a bit and slows before speeding up again.

When Keith had asked why he was being called to an office no one could give him an answer. He'd been strangely well behaved since 'pilot error', a ticking bomb just waiting to go off. Most of the other adults were shocked when he lasted the first week. Those like Iverson were still waiting for a reason to get rid of him.

When Keith reached the door he adjusted his collar again and knocked. The door was opened rather quickly as if the man was waiting at the door. Keith could swear he heard the door lock behind them.

Mr.Olsen was not an unattractive man, age treated him well. He was taller than Keith and visibly stronger. Olsen is a threat.

"Do you know why I called you here?"

Keith shook his head, no one knew why he was called out of class. His hands start to shake and he tries to hide his nerves from Mr.Olsen. (I guess some things never change). 

"No do you need anything?"

He tries to keep his voice from wavering but with the look Olsen gave him he wasn't so sure he pulled it off.

"I know you snuck out. You were doing so well since your last incident."

He walked forward, Keith's eyes darting back and forth, trapping Keith between him and the desk. He put his hands on Mr.Olsen's, he was trying to move them but Olsen grabbed his hands.

"Wh-what? I didn't… you weren't here when I..."

Olsen leaned further into Keith's space. He licked up Keith's neck and spoke with his lips to Keith's ear.

"Jett's place"

Fuck.

Keith shivered against the instructor and turned his head. His face flushed as Mr. Olsen continued. 

"You know I wasn't sure when I first saw you, but who else would be moaning out Shiro's name? Especially after what you two did after Adam left the picture."

Keith's body was trembling under Olsen's. He started trying to get out of his grasp, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. Keith hadn't been eating, and while that worked for Jett's with his figure and being thrown around, it did him no favors when going against a man who would probably still be stronger than him on a good day. (He hates to admit it, but he almost prefers his body this way. Prefers being easy to use.)

"I knew when I saw your ribs at the house you weren't doing as good as you let on but this really proves it."

Mr.Olsen moved both of Keith's hands into one of his and ran one of them over Keith's chest. Olsen started undressing Keith when he finally spoke.

"What do you want from me?"

The teacher chuckles into Keith's neck and kisses up to his jaw. Olsen pulls off his chest binder. He pinched Keith's nipple hard and pulls before continuing down to his pants. Keith's struggling stops as his pants and boxers are yanked off all at once.

"You know, I wonder how Iverson would react to your afterschool… hobbies."

Keith throws his head back as Olsen runs his tongue over Keith's cunt. Keith shoves one hand into Olsen's hair and the other over his mouth as he finally mouths over Keith's cock. Mr.Olsen continues eating Keith out until it feels like his hair is going to be pulled out. 

"Holy shit."

His instructor stands and starts to unzip his pants. Olsen pulls out his dick and starts to stroke himself. Keith started to lean back on the desk but was stopped by a strong grip on his hair. Keith left small kisses and kitten licks before swallowing down as much as he could (Which happened to be quite a surprising amount.)

While Mr. Olsen was fairly attractive, his cock was nothing to write poetry about. The length was likely just a bit under average with the girth being over. The man did have a nice vein that Keith made sure to lick up a few times before being shoved back down.

In fact, the cock was almost disappointing. Olsen's build suggested that his dick would be just as impressive but no, he was fairly average. The size was likely a big part of why he was so good with his mouth.

As Keith continued to perform on his instructor he felt the cool metal of the man's wedding ring against his cheekbone.(Seems like it didn't matter if he pretended to be faithful or not after admitting where he caught Keith).

"Fuck! Don't you dare stop, slut."

And so he didn't, he swallowed down his own saliva and the man's pre-cum before continuing.

Keith almost wished he was back at Jett's, surrounded by voyeurs and others just as desperate. He felt less like a caged animal when he was out in the open and could say just one word and stop everything that was happening to him. (Not that he disliked his current situation, he just hated the missing feeling of freedom and control that this didn't give him.)

Olsen's thrusts sped up as he got closer and closer to finishing. He was starting to pull Keith's hair hard enough to cause tears, but Keith just moaned around the man's cock. The tears just made him move faster before pulling out and cumming all over Keith's face. He rubbed the remaining cum off onto Keith's chest.

"Well, that was fun."

Keith didn't respond and just continued to sit on the floor. His messy face looked almost angelic with his lips a deep red and his black hair framing his pale, cum covered face.

Keith lot his fingertips trail down through the cum on his chest before shoving them inside his aching cunt. Keith put two of his fingers in immediately before moving his other hand down to his cock. He fucked himself almost violently with his fingers as his rubbing off got faster and faster.

"God, you're such a slut! What, getting your pussy eaten wasn't good enough for you?"

The word pussy brought Keith further away from the orgasm he was desperately trying to reach. He had gotten used to people caring more about his boundaries and communication at Jett's that the word was like an unwanted slap to the face.

"You ungrateful little bitch!"

His movements became more frantic as he didn't want to lose the good feeling he had, but Olsen had clearly taken that as a sign that he had enjoyed the humiliation of those words. (He did enjoy humiliation occasionally but nothing that would bring back his dysphoric self hatred).

Keith was so desperate to cum that he didn't notice the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. While someone walking by wouldn't usually be a problem, as Keith was typically very quiet in bed, Mr. Olsen chose that as the perfect time to pull Keith's hair really hard. Whoever it was had only just gotten past the door before pausing and turning back.

Keith had just wanted to cum.

There was a knock at the door before Keith heard the sound of an override card being used on the door. (Whoever was out there was high up.) Keith barely had enough time to pull up his boxers before Iverson stepped in to see the mess all over his upper body.

(They didn't even have any time to protest before there was screaming, Iverson was punched, and Keith ran away with his small amount of belongings.)

-

" ...and look, you're just a boy grieving until he too is just a thing to grieve, until his pulse is as thin and damp as an obituary panting beneath sweaty hands. And what is an orgy? If not the opposite of a funeral? If not an attempt to press your pulse against as many strangers as possible to compare how alive you still are …"

-

The team broke out into arguments and discussions about what they had seen as if the memory wasn't private. Like what had happened wasn't rape, like he hadn't been blackmailed, like it hadn't mattered anyway.

"The timing all makes sense, Mr. Olsen left volun… " 

The memory left Keith shaking and clawing at his arms while holding back tears. The pain felt good compared to what had happened that day.

"Shut the mind melds down!"

Keith was slowly becoming hysterical and Shiro had to restrain him from licking the blood off his arms.

"Everyone quiet until Coran comes down here to take the devices off."

Unfortunately the quiet made it very easy to hear the whispered question.

" What's Jett's Place? I recognize the name."

And that was enough to send them back in.

-

"... his apartment door a pearly gate, a diff overlooking a thrashing lake, and your blood begins and you lighthouse your tongue and you shipwreck an entire room to driftwood. Oh, this festival of lament, this sloppy surgery, this homemade baptism. Boy, you reek of grief, they smell your sadness, can taste the tears start streaming your cheek. You lonely riot, you laughing graveyard, you hungry and haunted boy. I know, I know, you want to feel alive, you want so badly to be born again."

-

Keith had actually been to Jett's a couple years before Kerberos. (Just not nearly as often.)He was sent by Rain to drop off some drinks. It was to some big mansion, they had told him their usual mixologist was running late so they ordered a few bottles. Keith hadn't realized just where he was going until the door was open.

The person who opened the door was naked. She looked him up and down until she noticed the alcohol in Keith's hands. It took Keith a moment but he eventually managed to move on with his job.

"Hey kitten, where's Rain?"

He could feel his face and chest heat at the pet name and he forced out a response.

"Uh… I'm not sure why they sent me but Rain is back at the shop."

Rain had in fact told him he needed to blow off some steam but Keith thought they were referring to the bike ride there. (The grin on Rain's face made more sense now thinking back on it.)

"Well, I was told to pay using the usual so they must've sent you for a reason."

Keith had no idea what the usual was and just shrugged. The stranger in the doorway shifted her weight to lean on the door. The movement had Keith glancing down to see that she was in fact wearing something. (Not that Keith would call a lime green strap on clothes.) He immediately moved his eyes back up to her face.

"What's your name, kitten?"

She laughed a bit to herself at how red his face had turned.

"Keith." 

(He named himself after his father. Not that she needed to know that.)

"Well Keith, I'm Jett. Come on in."

He hesitated at the doorway before following Jett into the building. Keith found his eyes trailing down her body as they walked closer and closer to the moaning down the hall. He started to zone out but was soon startled out of it when he ran into Jett.

Keith jumped back as if hit when she turned around.

"S-sorry."

At first Jett assumed it was because he was a virgin or thought he crossed a line but she soon realized what the trembling was from. She moved Keith off to the side before responding to him.

"Hey, kitten, it's fine. Put the drinks down in front of the door and knock, the guests will get them. Follow me upstairs if you want to forget, I'm very good with my mouth."

Of course Keith had realized what she meant but he followed up the stairs anyway. He was sure he needed this and when else would he have this chance? (Matt wasn't interested with all the Kerberos Mission prep and Shiro was leaving soon. He had Adam anyway.)

He found Jett shortly after walking up the stairs. She was laying on the bed. Her pale teal hair framing her face. Jett's white snake tattoos and piercings seemed to be brighter than what is natural against her dark skin. Keith was usually into men but she looked so much like a goddess that Keith just wanted to stare. (Now out in space he couldn't stop himself from comparing her to Allura. Jett was just more, personality and all.)

"You gonna just stand there?"

Keith moved out of the doorway to just sit on the edge of the bed. He wasn't really used to having control in these situations. He wasn't sure what was expected of him.

"Are you a virgin?"

He wasn't but this was the first time he chose to be there. Keith was fairly certain she was coming to that conclusion. Jett's face didn't show pity but she seemed to understand. Her face softened and she reached out for his hand.

"Do you want me to take control?"

Maybe if Keith actually knew her or if she wasn't so clearly experienced he would've said no. But he needed this or he at least thought he did. Keith nodded and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Come on, kitten. Verbal consent please."

Keith wanted to stab himself in the throat for the way he stumbled over his words. (While he was good at keeping his voice steady when angry with someone, the second the conversation calmed down he couldn't really control simple things like the volume of his voice and a stutter.)

"U-uh… yea-s."

Jett grinned and ran her nails lightly down his cheek to the neckline of his shirt. Keith's muscles relaxed as he shivered. 

Instead of using words, Jett held Keith's shaking hands and lead him to touch her breasts. When she let go, her eyes widened as he continued to trail them down her torso. He rested them on her hips and slowly leaned forward.

It didn't matter that her tongue was in his mouth or that he was breathing heavy, the kisses were soft. If Keith didn't know any better he would say he felt loved. But by this point he has realized he just "falls in love" with anyone who doesn't spit in his face. This was a house where everyone fucks, you don't fall in love here and he was fine with that. (Oh, how wrong he was.)

Jett pulls off Keith's shirt but pauses at the pale skin toned chest binder. Keith nods and the binder comes off to reveal two uneven but small breasts. Jett doesn't react to his scars and just mouths down from his neck to his belly button. The action caused Keith to stutter out a few soft moans. Jett didn't leave any marks, it was almost like she knew his foster dad would check. (Of course she didn't but with the way her tattoos and piercings seemed to glow Keith wouldn't have been shocked to find out she was some mind reading alien or something…)

Jett slid her hand in his underwear after unbuttoning his pants. She rubbed her fingers on the sides of Keith's dick. One of his legs twitched as she hit a spot that was more sensitive than the rest. She removed her fingers making Keith whine as she grabbed lube and a condom. She dragged Keith's pants off before putting lube on her fingers. Jett's long thin fingers then made their way inside Keith, scissoring and stretching him for something bigger. 

It was like Keith no longer had control over his actions. He was laid out on the bed, moaning and screaming as she touched and played with all his most sensitive parts. 

"Are you ready, kitten?"

Keith started to nod before remembering earlier.

"Y-yes."

Sadly she had to take her fingers out to put the condom on her strap. 

Before she entered Keith, Jett ran her clean fingers through his hair.

As the dildo went inside Keith felt absolute euphoria. Her thrusts always seemed to hit the right parts. The pleasure Jett was bringing him lead his voice to higher pitches then he thought he was capable of.

The whole thing was over too fast as Keith orgasmed and fell back limp against the bed. Of course she kept rubbing his dick through it, stopping right before Keith was going to tell her to. 

He drifted in and out of consciousness while she cleaned up and took off the strap on.

"Get some rest, Keith."

He cracked his eyes open, confused.

"Wha' 'bout you?"

Jett started to run her fingers through his hair again.

"Don't worry about me. I am satisfied, so sleep."

And Keith slept better than he would've at "home".

-

"... your nails are already too jagged to chew on, you're produced enough sweat to fill the vehicle and drown you both. you consider headphones, you consider ripping out your own tongue in fear of confessing more, and before you reach for the handle to tuck and roll clean out of her 2004 honda civic she says 'how many bodies will you try on tonight?'..."

-

The second the memory is over Coran is shutting down the mind meld and everyone but Shiro leaves the room.

If Keith had been paying attention he would've seen Shiro open his mouth several times before giving up on words and using his body to hug him. To tuck Keith's head under his chin, to cry into Keith's hair, and he tries to communicate to him that nothing may be alright right now but it might be, it will be.

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is cringeynsfwname  
i am not on tumblr anymore


End file.
